Overdoing it and Independence

Hi everyone :) I really hope you are all having a good week. Mine has been up and down. I've ben doing a lot with family this week and it’s been to my own detriment. I was feeling really good for a few days in a row so I kept myself busy, probably a little too busy to be honest. I can feel the pain in my body starting to set in now and I am very fatigued again.

Also I have really been struggling with not having any independence. So if I get an opportunity to socialise I jump at it with out thinking about how it will affect me. Silly really.

Independence has really been playing on my mind. I’m feeling quite lost at the moment as I really don’t have any independence anymore. Not socially, domestically or financially. I rely on so many people to help me out with so many things. I can’t go shopping for food or drive to see friends or treat myself to a nice afternoon out. I can’t walk the dog or clean the house. I can’t enjoy my summer days at the park or go swimming at the beach. I can’t even go have a coffee out of the house without relying on someone to take me or give me access to a car or even lend me money some days. I am not working so I can’t financially support myself properly.

I really am struggling with all of this. I’m a grown woman and I still have to ask for permission to borrow the car or ask someone to drive me somewhere. And it is not that my family would say no, it’s whether or not a vehicle or they are available to help.

We really take for granted our independence when we are capable and healthy. I would give anything for a weekend of independence. To feel half like a semi normal person able to support myself. So this is why I’m probably pushing myself too far. I’m trying to experience what I can when I can so I do not turn into an unsociable hermit who hasn’t left the house in months. And we all know this is not a stretch. It’s entirely possible.

I have a lot to ponder the next couple of days. Maybe there is a way to get some independence back.

Anyways, I hope you are all feeling a little bit better than me and are having a few good days too.

And as always, please look after yourselves.

Sending happy thoughts and healing energy your way.

Xoxo